For many years as a birth mum/first mum, I had never even heard of National Adoption Week. When I finally came across it, I realised why. National Adoption Week has traditionally been a platform for adopters and adoptees to come together, share their stories, and discuss the adoption experience.
It’s only been in the last five or six years that birth families have really had the opportunity to be part of these conversations.
In 2021, I received support from PAC-UK and that’s when everything began to change for me. I was directed to their YouTube channel, where I found a video of birth parents sharing their stories and experiences for National Adoption Week. At this point, I was 16 years into my own journey. I’d had very little support and had never really heard another birth parent speak openly before.
It was a hard and emotional watch, I had to take it in small parts but it helped me realise something life-changing: I wasn’t alone. I understood what each of them was feeling. For the first time, I felt a connection without even meeting them.
Little did I know that over the next few years, I would become one of those voices myself.
Every year is different, with a new theme and focus. Around six weeks before National Adoption Week, we start preparing for events, most of them online and are attended by professionals but open to the public too. Along with other birth parents, I share my story and offer reflections on what has helped and what hasn’t over time.
It’s not always easy to speak, but it’s powerful. We speak for those who aren’t ready yet and for those who feel unseen.
Why This Year’s National Adoption Week 2025 Hit Different
I took part in my second roundtable event online. There was me (a birth mum), an adopter, and three adult adoptees. We each shared parts of our stories and talked about identity and what it means for us and for children.
The stories from the adoptees were heartfelt and moving. It’s always difficult coming into these spaces as a birth parent, not because we have nothing to say, but because sometimes the weight of our stories is hard for others to hold.
When it was my turn, I spoke about how my letterbox contact was stopped and how I was never told that I could continue adding letters or photos to my child’s file for when they became an adult.
It was painful to admit that I’d never been able to add to my children’s identity or history, never had the chance to build a picture of myself or show them that they have a full sibling who still lives with me. In that moment, I felt like I didn’t have much to contribute.
But later that day, something unexpected happened. I started receiving messages through my social media from strangers, adopters, professionals, and others who had watched the roundtable. They thanked me for sharing my story and told me they wanted to hear more.
That told me something. I must have said something right. People do want to hear the birth parent's perspective.
Making History: The First Ever In-person Birth Parent Conference
And then came something I’ll never forget, the biggest event for birth parents in England, where we would make history.
For the first time ever, there would be a Birth Parent Conference, a space created by birth parents, for birth parents. The theme was “How Far We Have Come.” We worked alongside PAC-UK staff and other birth parents to plan it and we also invited professionals from adoption agencies and Adoption England.
At first, I worried about how it would work. Would it be too much for birth parents to share a space with professionals? Would it feel safe enough? But in the end, it turned into one of the most powerful days I’ve ever experienced.
The Day It Happened
When I arrived to set up, the nerves kicked in. I was worried no one would turn up. The room looked like a mini Apollo theatre, a big stage, a balcony of seats up high (thankfully, we weren’t using that part!). I remember standing there, looking around as the room slowly filled with birth parents and professionals. I took a deep breath and thought, Wow. Never did I think I’d see this.
We had a late start due to train delays, but once we began, it was worth every minute of waiting.
We opened with Jill, one of the historical birth mums, who shared her story of losing a child to adoption in the 1960s. Listening to her speak about what that was like then, and how life looks now, was emotional and raw. I nearly cried, but I knew I had to hold it together because I was up next.
Due to illness, some of our speakers had to pull out last minute, which meant I had to reword my speech in just a few days. I’m used to speaking alongside another birth parent, but this time it was just me.
As always, my nerves hit hard, but I wanted to do every birth parent at PAC-UK proud. I talked about my story, what I needed back then, what my journey has been like, and how hard and lifelong it is. I spoke about Angela Frazer-Wicks MBE, how I met her, and the amazing work she’s done over 15 years campaigning for children and families, and how her efforts were recognised by the King in his Birthday Honours.
I then shared what I’ve learned about adoption, how I use my lived experience to help others, and how important it is for our voices to be heard. I was proud to speak on behalf of myself and of all the birth parents who don’t yet have a voice.
Next, we heard from a birth parent panel, a last-minute decision that turned into one of the most powerful parts of the day. Three mums spoke about what adoption looked like for them, their hopes for the future, and their messages to professionals. They were incredible. That’s when I broke, not out of sadness, but out of pride. It was so powerful.
Then we heard a different perspective, from Peter, a grandad whose daughter had been in a difficult situation. He shared how he wanted to step in as a kinship carer, but the barriers put in place by social services and the courts made it impossible. His story needed to be heard far and wide. Despite the heaviness, he had us laughing with his brilliant one-liners, a refreshing balance in an emotional day.
After Peter, we heard from Adoption England. They discussed new strategies for maintaining relationships and the work being done behind the scenes to make this a reality across adoption agencies. It was encouraging to hear professionals speaking directly to birth families, acknowledging that there hasn’t been enough support, and that this needs to change.
Looking around the room, I could see birth parents really listening, holding on to hope.
We then broke for a lovely buffet lunch, and I watched as conversations flowed naturally between birth parents and professionals. It was amazing to see.
In the afternoon, after the professionals left, we ran workshops. I led one on lived experience, while other birth parents ran sessions on letterbox contact and creating memory boxes.
We ended the day with thank-yous and reflection. In one corner of the room, we had a display filled with poems and quotes from birth families, and pledge trees where professionals and parents could write down a pledge or hope for the future. I haven’t yet seen all the pledges, but the ones I did get a glance of were heartfelt and meaningful.
Looking Back
I’m writing this just five days after the event, and honestly, I am still in shock. Shocked that it happened, that I got to plan it, that I got to stand on that stage and speak.
I’m so proud that we created a space for birth parents, a space that generations before us never had.
I’m still processing it all, but I know this much: we made history. And my hope is that this is only the beginning, that we’ll see many more conferences like this, many more open conversations, and many more chances for birth parents to be seen, heard, and understood.
Because we are, and always will be, part of the story.
Kristy Holt | PAC-UK Birth Parent Volunteer
